Why I Left New England

A student brought this in for me today. It's about Connecticut, but it pretty much applies to the whole northeast...

Dear Diary

Aug. 12 Moved to our new home in Connecticut. It is so beautiful here. The mountians are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see the snow covering them.

Oct. 14 Connecticut is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves have turned all the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the beautiful mountians and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certianly they are the most wonderful animal on earth. This must be paradise. I love it here.

Nov. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine any one wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon. I love it so much here.

Dec. 2 It snowed last night. I woke to find everything blanketed with white. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight ( I won ), and when the plow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What a beautiful place. I love connecticut.

Dec. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snow plow did his trick again to the driveway. I love it here.

Dec. 19 More snow last night. Couldn't get out of the driveway to get to work. I'm exhausted from shoveling. F*#*ing snow plow.

Dec. 22 More of that white shit fell last night. I've got blisters on my hands from shoveling. I think the snow plow hides up around the corner and waits until I'm done shoveling the driveway. Asshole.

Dec. 25 Merry f@#$ing christmas. More friggin snow. If I ever get my hands on that son-of-a-bitch who drives the snow plow, I swear I'll kill the bastard. I don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt the f#@%ing ice.

Dec. 27 More white shit last night. Been inside for three days except for shoveling out the driveway after the snow plow goes through every time. Can't go anywhere, cars stuck in a mountian of white shit. The weatherman says to expect another 10" of the shit again tonight.

Dec. 28 The f*#$ing weatherman was wrong. We got 24" of that white shit this time. At this rate it wont melt before the summer. The snow plow got stuck up the street and that bastard came to the door and asked to borrow my shovel. After I explained how I had broken 6 shovels already shoveling all the shit he pushed into the driveway, I broke my last one over his f(@*ing head.

Jan. 4 Finally got out of the house today. Went to the store to get food and on the way home a damned deer ran in front of the car and I hit it. Did about $3,000 damage to the car. Those f@*#ing beasts should be killed. I wish the hunters had killed them all last november.

May 3 Took the car to the garage in town. Would you believe the thing is rusting out from all that f*@#ing salt they put all over the roads.

May 10 Moved to Georgia. I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind would ever live in that God-forsaken state of Connecticut.